sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
