the day after is always just damage control
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
