everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
