sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
