We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
this boner is exhausting
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
