Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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