We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
