Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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