Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Congratulations! We have a period
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