Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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