Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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