Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
