Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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