good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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