Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
