Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
