You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you inspire me to be a worse person
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
