party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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