why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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