i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
