Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
