sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
