he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
