Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
