The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
