what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
