Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
