So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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