her vagine was all disorganized.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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