it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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