She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
