I'm so fucking centered right now
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
