Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
