@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
birth control should be required to get into college
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
