That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
