How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
