I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
is that a dick in a sweater?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
as a side note pls kill me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
