don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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