I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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