Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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