Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
