I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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