So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
