i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
