He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
