they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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