I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
