the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
