Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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