dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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