The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
