If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
