if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
