i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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