READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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